i learned the hard way

i never experienced or let say,, i never really felt poverty before. i lived a happy and luxurious life, well provided by my family and fanancially stable. but right at this moment, no.. when i entered the life of a grown up, i realized that there is more than just living.
the pain of living is excruciating and i know how it feels to die. i am dying, metaphorically speaking. when i was younger, i thought that life could never more sweeter than ever, but i didnt know,, there is an existing hell in the world of the living. my parents are doing anything they can to provide us, but i dont know if they can, especially that im in college already and my demands are fairly huge, and also, my brother is growing and in time, he will be just like me... i dont have much of a choice, since im a graduating student already, i cant have them ruined my education. and so i went to apply for a job. i am a student assistant at our school, my salary wasnt pain to me but will be deducted to my tuition fee. it sucked but i dont really mind. i want to finish school. i want to stop their suffering. i dont want to be a burden to my family.
i have big dreams, high hopes... and yet... i dont know if i can really actualize them... wishing to be rich and successful isnt really sinful. i want to be rich and i want to give my family the life they deserve. its hard, i know its really hard but someday, i know i will be the kind of person i want myself to be. and live the life i always dreamed of living.