... another night in our house. its just the two of us, me and my papa. its quite boring but i kinda liked it. its raining and i missed my best friend already. we played jamlegend. i just wish there are only good times and bad times never exist!
i got accepted at XUCLA and now i am worried about my paper works! i just hated that part. especially that i have to force myself to go to the DSA. i never liked that department. anyway, i'm really worried! i dont know why.
i just discovered that i have a facebook account and i havent opened it ever! and now i'm catching up with everyone! damn that network! i'd prefer gaiaonline though. i never liked facebook!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
About today...
just the usual day. i woke up late in the morning and missed my breakfast. grandma's all over the place and i love her so much. she was being nebulized when i open my damn eyes. i woke up to the sound of the priest preaching about God on the television. its sunday, and it was a mass.
i passed out and next thing i knew i was with my grandma again, trying to accompany her because she needs assistance so badly. she cant walk and she coughs most of the time. she had a lung cancer and i hate to admit it that she wont be with us for long.
today was father's day.. was it is. i didn't even greet my dad at all. my family was there.. we are all there and it was suppose to be fun but we are to busy preparing a private oxygen for my grandma to help her breathe. i assisted my mom on bathing her, and changing her shirts and pants and even helping her to pee. i just cant believe that my grandma's this helpless now. she used to be so active before she got really sick. she's strong and she took care of everything, remembering all the things in the house, she keeps the house and the family from breaking down. my grandma could be rude sometimes, but all people had there share of rudeness. i just dont know if i still beleive in God. its just, i dont get it at all, he's making her suffer! christ! why would he do that?...
am sorry lord but i just dont understand you at all. i just dont.
my cousins' are making annoying noises, screaming over a video game while grandma and i are watching them. then grandma would ask me to put a cover on her, or check if she's sweating. after some time, my grandma wanted to sit on her rocking chair so my uncle helped her stand. then at some point.. she fell asleep and so, we had lunch while she's sleeping. my mom fixed her a.. i dont know what that food's called but it sure doesnt look yummy to me but my mom said my grandma should only eat soft food. when she woke up, finally! she took her medicines and she had lunch, while i was playing with my cellphone.
time runs so fast. my grandpa came home complaining about the prescription about the oxygen materials, no mask and tubes and etc. he brought food! bread and... well, bread. i bathed because its getting late and my papa and i should be going back to the city by 5pm. wasted another 1 hour passing out in the bathroom, dreaming of wonderland! dammit!! got dressed and... went to say goodbye to my family... then i felt a sudden urge to scream... i wanted to cry and hug my grandma and tell her i'm sorry for everything i've done to her in the past, and that i love her, but i just cant,,, there's just too many people around. and i wanted to hud my mom and my brother. i kinda missed them. so, to avoid getting teary-eyed, i went out and breathed several times. and when the feelings gone.. i went back inside. feeling good and not mushy anymore. my grandma gave me a 100php and i told her to keep it but she insisted, so i accepted it. thank you grandma. then i said goodbye.
now i'm staring at my computer writing this stupid blog! and i'm damn miserable.
i passed out and next thing i knew i was with my grandma again, trying to accompany her because she needs assistance so badly. she cant walk and she coughs most of the time. she had a lung cancer and i hate to admit it that she wont be with us for long.
today was father's day.. was it is. i didn't even greet my dad at all. my family was there.. we are all there and it was suppose to be fun but we are to busy preparing a private oxygen for my grandma to help her breathe. i assisted my mom on bathing her, and changing her shirts and pants and even helping her to pee. i just cant believe that my grandma's this helpless now. she used to be so active before she got really sick. she's strong and she took care of everything, remembering all the things in the house, she keeps the house and the family from breaking down. my grandma could be rude sometimes, but all people had there share of rudeness. i just dont know if i still beleive in God. its just, i dont get it at all, he's making her suffer! christ! why would he do that?...
am sorry lord but i just dont understand you at all. i just dont.
my cousins' are making annoying noises, screaming over a video game while grandma and i are watching them. then grandma would ask me to put a cover on her, or check if she's sweating. after some time, my grandma wanted to sit on her rocking chair so my uncle helped her stand. then at some point.. she fell asleep and so, we had lunch while she's sleeping. my mom fixed her a.. i dont know what that food's called but it sure doesnt look yummy to me but my mom said my grandma should only eat soft food. when she woke up, finally! she took her medicines and she had lunch, while i was playing with my cellphone.
time runs so fast. my grandpa came home complaining about the prescription about the oxygen materials, no mask and tubes and etc. he brought food! bread and... well, bread. i bathed because its getting late and my papa and i should be going back to the city by 5pm. wasted another 1 hour passing out in the bathroom, dreaming of wonderland! dammit!! got dressed and... went to say goodbye to my family... then i felt a sudden urge to scream... i wanted to cry and hug my grandma and tell her i'm sorry for everything i've done to her in the past, and that i love her, but i just cant,,, there's just too many people around. and i wanted to hud my mom and my brother. i kinda missed them. so, to avoid getting teary-eyed, i went out and breathed several times. and when the feelings gone.. i went back inside. feeling good and not mushy anymore. my grandma gave me a 100php and i told her to keep it but she insisted, so i accepted it. thank you grandma. then i said goodbye.
now i'm staring at my computer writing this stupid blog! and i'm damn miserable.
Monday, June 15, 2009
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